Beauty is in the Eye of the B+ Holder

Beauty is a moral imperative, but morality is not a beauty imperative.

Funny how things work in our shallow, aesthetically consumed world. We push people to be thinner, leaner, blonder, taller, tanner, younger, and skankier all at the expense of putting intelligence and education on the back burner. Yet, when someone goes that extra mile, to be the prim and proper poster child of our morally tainted vision of beauty, we relentlessly tear them from toned, waxed limb from toned, waxed limb.

During Miss Teen USA 2007, Aimee Teegarden proposed an obscenely simple question to Miss Teen South Carolina, who proceeded to stumble over her words and give an infamous nonsensical half-answer that would be immortalized in internet video sharing history. She was criticized and belittled tirelessly.

When I saw the video, however, I wasn't shocked nor did I question her validity as a civilized person who eats with a fork and can tie her own shoes. Instead, I found myself thinking, "I thought this was a beauty contest?"

Since when do beauty and intelligence go hand in hand, much less coexist? Frankly, I think it's fucking selfish to be beautiful and intelligent. No one should be that well-rounded, it's a danger and threat to all of us one-sided people. It doesn't even make sense, really. People work at becoming intelligent because they don't have the looks to carry them through life, and beautiful people can kick back because they do have the looks to carry them.

Being smart and good-looking is like being funny and nice, or athletic and white. It's just unnatural. You need to grow a pair of balls and just pick whichever one attribute you think will work out best in the long run (good-looking, funny, white).

It's just asinine to expect these girls to be talented and have reasonable answers to simple questions, it's not what they're there for and it doesn't correlate to the demands of their daily lives. They're supposed to stand crooked on the stage in a scantily clad bathing suit with their hands on their hips, chest pressed out, and showcasing the biggest fake smile they can conjure.

It's not like we pull that kind of shit in other competitions. No one asks professional gamers to lose their virginities; no one asks Philip Seymour Hoffman to stop looking like a fat, rosy-cheeked guinea pig when he wins acting awards; and we don't even ask Jimmy Kimmel to be attractive, talented, or intelligent to have his own TV show.

I am willing to compromise though, I'm not unreasonable. If they really want to have a three-dimensional contest, make the tasks relevant to these girls' strengths. See who can most effectively manipulate the average men who long fuck them but never will, or have them answer questions based on what sexual act of bribery is just enough to get them out of trouble and not too much to get them in more trouble.

Just don't ask them to sing or ask questions about the education system, much less memorize the words to a song or to do their math homework. It's bullshit.


Alright, I have a beginning and middle. But I'm so tired and irritated, that at this point, I've have forgotten how to fucking write. I have no clue how to end this post, and frankly, I don't even care anymore, so..

I'm done.


P.S. Fuck off, I'm too lazy to think of something witty right now.

Edit: Margo told me to end it impressively so...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend, but inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. The best place to hide a tree is in a forest. The longest word in the dictionary is smiles, because there's a mile between the 's's. This is two kirbies dueling: (>")> ~<("<). Why is this a heart: <3, but this isn't 2?

There, I hope you're impressed.